i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
