Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
