When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
