I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
