No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
