he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
