physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
