Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
