im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
