It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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