guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
