It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
