her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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