Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
