Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
