Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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