i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
