I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
