1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
