good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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