I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
