There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
