Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
