one word: firstdatebathroomanal
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize