If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
