If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
