I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
