I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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