In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
