we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sarcasm needs its own font
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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