i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
