after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
