I wish I could punch you in the face.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
