"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
