If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
