my vag is so smooth its legendary
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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