the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
