Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Come on in and take your pants off
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