Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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