I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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