I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
