Umm I'm too high to move.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
