I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he shaved USA in his pubs
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
