he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A bitchslap is in order.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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