Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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