it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
