like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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