You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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