I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
