i will never coherently bang her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
