HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
