mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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