i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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