Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
