so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
