Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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