hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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