"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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