Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
