I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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