Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
