why didn't you poke me back
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
