the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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