by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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