He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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