Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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