my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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