What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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