Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
