What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
