He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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