they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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