im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
