She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
