Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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