I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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