Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize