in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
