we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
