theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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