I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
