I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
