haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
