I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
