This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
